“Do You Have ‘It?’”

Ronald Reagan and Steve Jobs had “it.” Bill Clinton has “it.” Oprah’s got “it”.

“It,” is that seemingly magical quality that some people possess, that draws others to them like a magnet. It’s a complex combination of power and humility. It, is charisma.

For me, part of the enduring allure of charisma is that at its core it’s a bit of a contradiction. Here’s what I mean. In order to be a strong or powerful leader you have to be a skillful speaker with a commanding presence. You should be passionate, confident and enthusiastic.  At the same, a truly charismatic person is also warm. This means being relatable, self-deprecating, and empathetic. Being adept at such a contradictory set of skills is pretty uncommon. After all, we often meet people who are strong, but they’re not particularly warm. Instead, they may come across as overbearing, aloof, or superior. On the other hand, likable people might appear to be  “too nice” or not commanding enough to be effective as a leader.

So then I wondered, is charisma innate? Is it something you either have or you don’t?

Interestingly, I found that the folks at Harvard, Columbia and other top business schools don’t think so. In fact, they’ve made “teaching” charisma part of their curriculum and have assigned books like, Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities that Make Us Influential as required reading.

In Compelling People, the authors John Neffinger and Matthew Kohut (who perhaps not surprisingly, are also professional coaches) go to great lengths to outline strategies to help the reader to light up a room. Among their many suggestions; focus on being a good listener, i.e. be “present” and engaged as a way to well, develop a presence. Want to appear more powerful?  The book suggests focusing on body language and style in order to project a more commanding persona.

So then, can a book or class turn me into the next Oprah?

Ah, I wish it were that easy.

It turns out that in order to develop “genuine” charisma and not something that feels fake, we’d be well served to follow the lead of the people we view as “naturals” like Reagan, Clinton, Jobs, and others. Despite a natural gift for charisma, these people make a concerted effort to cultivate a sense of personal magnetism. They’ve each spent decades working with experts to improve their communication skills and to learn how to better connect with people.

So in the end, here’s what I know. Like most things in life, being born with “it” is super helpful, especially when you’re starting out. But that alone won’t do it. In the long run, the people who are truly committed to ongoing personal improvement are the ones who realize the greatest success.

 What are you waiting for? Get after it!

I’m rooting for you-

-Jeanine

#thismuchiknow